Category — Bob Blogs

 The other night I made crockpot lasagna for dinner (who knew you could cook lasagna in a crockpot?!) and threw this breadstick dough in the bread machine on the timer.  Unfortunately, as dinner time approached, I got hung up at the doctor’s office with Lilly and gave Bob a call. 

“Hey, it looks like I’m going to be here for a long while.  I guess I’ll stop and buy us some breadsticks from Spaghetti Express since I won’t be home in time to get the homemade ones on the table on time.”

“I can do that!  Is there directions somewhere?  I can make them!  Let me do it!  I want to help!!”

Thinking to myself.  Well Hell.  What’s the worst that can happen here?  If he fails I stop at the spaghetti joint, or if he succeeds we have cheap, and hopefully edible, breadsticks.  Come on Angie.  Live on the edge, it’s unlikely he can burn down the kitchen making breadsticks.  Besides.  He wants to help.  You must encourage such behaviors.

“Yeah!  O.k. the recipe is on my desk.  You’ll need to use the pastry board behind the sink.  And you might as well take some pictures.”

5 minutes later . . . my cell phone rings.

“Hiya Babe, what’s up?”

“Sh!t.  What the frick am I supposed to do with this gooey stuff - it’s all over my hands and I THINK THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.  Frick, frick, frick.”

“Did you flour the pasty board?”

“Er.  Uh, no, IT DOESN’T SAY TO DO THAT.  What does that even mean?”

Somehow, Bob figured out how to make these work.  I know, because they were yum-tastic.  The kids and I were all over these!  They put “Spaghetti Express” to shame.  Now, I’m going to turn things over to Bob, since he did the bulk of the work.  All I did was toss the stuff in the bread machine, set the timer, and offer morale support via phone.  Oh.  And eat them.  Yeah.  I did that, too. 

If you run into trouble I’d be glad to offer you morale support as well.  Just shoot me an email.  I think you’ll have better luck though, because I’ve written “on a floured surface” into the directions.  And like I said, live on the edge.  Now, here’s Bob . . .

The Elephant and the 3 Blind Men

You all know the parable of the elephant and the 3 blind men, right?  Maybe not. I’ll repeat it here, just to be safe.

You see, there were these 3 blind men and an elephant. A fourth man (I don’t know if he was sighted or not; I do know he was a troublemaker) asked, “Tell me what an elephant is like, gentlemen?”

“An elephant is large and cylindrical, like a tree.”

“No,” the second blind man spoke up. “an elephant is long, like a snake, with a hairy head.”

“You’ve both lost it.  An elephant is neither of those.  An elephant is somewhere in the middle, wet, and hangs down from the trees.”

The first man was, of course, hanging on to the elephant’s leg; the second man, the elephant’s tail, and the third the elephant’s trunk.  You see, human beings often interpret events from their own limited perspectives.

Anyways, I think Angie Pangie might have incorrectly interpreted that event, and given you the wrong impression.  In fact, her little tale is completely inaccurate.

I didn’t say the stuff was gooey.

I said it was sticky.

So, anyways, the  real directions for these are down below.  But, if you’re curious, here’s how I made them:

Take the dough that Angie Pangie mixed up in the bread machine.
Put the dough on the cutting board thingy.

Panic.  Call Angie Pangie for advice.
Scrape dough into a bowl.

Dump flour out on cutting board.

Brush all the extra flour off the cutting board into the sink.
Roll out the dough into a 10 x 12 inch rectangle.

Use a meat cleaver to cut the dough into 12-inch long strips around half an inch wide.
Realize you don’t have enough breadsticks for your family and cut those all in half.
Twist each of the strips. This is harder than it sounds, by the way.

Forget about the strips for half an hour or so, purely by accident.
Set the oven at 375 and set the timer for 15 minutes.
Open the empty oven.  Look around to see if anyone noticed you forgot to put the breadsticks in.
Put the breadsticks in, and let ‘em cook for 15 minutes.
As Angie walks through the door, look panicked.
Beg her to do the thingy with the butter, and the garlic salt, and whatnot.

Here’s the recipe:

Breadsticks

Adapted from Recipezaar

1 cup warm water
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup canola or vegetable oil
3 cups bread flour
2 1/2 teaspoons yeast
Garlic salt
Shredded Parmesan cheese

Mix dough using your favorite method- bread machine, mixer or by hand.
You can allow these to rise and punch them down once before you roll them out, if you desire, but it is not necessary.
Roll out into a 10×12 inch rectangle on a floured surface. 
Use a butter knife, or a pastry cutter, and cut into strips about 3/4 inch wide.
Give each strip a twist and place on a greased cookie sheet.
Let rise for at least 20 minutes.
Bake at 375 for 10-15 minutes.
Brush with butter and sprinkle with garlic salt and parmesan cheese.

Hi.

It’s me again.

I’m Bob, Angie’s better half.

Don’t tell her I said that, though.

At any rate, Angie Pangie is busy making food for Easter.  We’ve got a dozen or so guests coming, and she’s running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.  Which is especially funny, since right now she’s carrying a turkey with it’s head cut off.

OK, maybe I’m the only one that thought that was funny.  Sorry.  Please don’t leave.  Angie told me I could blog here from time to time since so many of you enjoyed my Tuscany Glazed Turduken in Hollandaise post.  So, this seemed like a great time since she’s so busy.

I think it is expected for me to post a silly-looking picture of Angie.  Let me get this one out of the way:

No, that’s an American Indian.  Chippewa, if you’re curious.

Here’s the embarrassing picture of Angie:

Hey!  That’s not a goofy picture of Angie, that’s a goofy picture of me! 

Hooray!  I’m a nice guy!

Anyways, guest posting also gives me a chance to plug my own endeavors for a minute.  I know that many of Angie’s readers are bloggers, as well, so hopefully this will be useful to you.  I’ve started a blog called The Writing Journey, and it’s been a blast.  That blog is devoted to helping Internet writers (bloggers, content writers, freelancers, article writers, etc) to improve their lives by improving their writing.  If you want a good feel for the blog without having to page through everything, I’d suggest you read The 8 Most Common Internet Writing Mistakes and Bang Your Gong: A Call For Action From The Internet Writing Community.

OOH, and since Angie hasn’t mentioned it here, let me show you the Awesemo-9000 cake she made for Game Master’s Day.  I’m not sure how she did it, but I think it involved a bowl.  And maybe eggs, I dunno.  If you want the recipe, though, I bet she’ll put it up if you ask for it.

Also, before I get to my little cooking experiment, let me plug Angie’s free Chinese New Year cookbook.  Now, I know that Chinese New Year is done for 2008.  But, my understanding is that there will be one again in 2009.  On top of that, I also understand that some folks like to eat Chinese food even when it’s not Chinese New Year.  So, go sign up for free Email updates to Angie’s Pangies and go get the darn thing here.

OK, anyways…

A couple of weeks back, Angie asked me if I’d like to try making a recipe from her Simply Delicious magazine.  It was called Thai Beef Stir Fry, and it sounded simple.  And delicious.  Hence, Simply Delicious.

At any rate, I was a bit intimidated by the idea of stir fry.  After all, I’ve barely mastered “pan fry.”  But I figured that the worst to come out of it would be a last-minute Taco Bell run, so either way it’d be all right.

I’m happy to tell you that this dish was both simple and delicious.  We changed the recipe a bit, so if you’re checking my work you’ll see that there have been some changes. 

(Also, if you’re checking my work, you need to get a life.  I mean, who the hell goes around from one cooking blog to the next checking to see if people change recipes from what is printed in a magazine?  Geez, I thought I was a dork.  You’ve got some serious issues, lady.)

Anyways, the dish turned out all right.  I think it did, anyways.  I’ve had a cold for a couple of weeks now, and my taste buds have been off.  I think I’d have liked it a bit more spicy, but I think it was probably right for the family.

At any rate, here’s the modified recipe:

Thai Beef Stir-Fry with Peanut Sauce

2 tablespoons cornstarch
3/4 cup water
3 tablespoons peanut butter
4 tablespoons soy sauce, divided
1 1/2 pounds boneless beef top sirloin steak, thinkly sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
3 tablespoons peanut (or vegetable) oil, divided
1 (8 oz) can bamboo shoots, drained
1/2 cup julienned carrot
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (or more, if you like it spicy)
Hot cooked rice

Oh, I’ve got a couple of notes before I give the directions.  Those of you who cook often prolly know this, but you want to get all of your stuff together before you start frying your beef.  It’s called mise en place, I’m told.  Here’s my mise en place:

Also, be aware that when you hit the step where you spoon the peanut butter mixture thing into the stir fry pan thingy, it will be gloppy and kinda gross looking.  That freaked me out.  But it resolved itself after it started cooking.  You can see all that from the pictures, but I figured I’d warn you ahead anyways. 

Here are my thinly sliced steak strips:

I actually used half steak and half venison. Mmmmm… venison.

I didn’t know what “Julienned” meant, so Angie ’splained it to me.  I guess it just means you cut the peppers into strips. 

To do that, though, you have to remove the lid by cutting a circle around the top of the pepper:

And taking out the gunk:

Also, I used fresh-pressed garlic:

So, anyways, here are the actual directions:

In a small bowl, combine cornstarch and water until smooth.  Stir in peanut butter and 3 tablespoons of soy sauce; set aside.

In a large skillet or wok, stir-fry the beef, garlic, pepper, salt, and remaining soy sauce in 2 tablespoons oil until meat is no longer pink; remove and keep warm.

Add last tablespoon of oil to the wok and add peppers, bamboo shoots, carrot and pepper flakes; stir-fry for 2-3 minutes or until tender.

Stir cornstarch mixture; add to the pan.  Bring to a boil, cooking and stirring for 1 minute, or until thickened.

 
Return beef to vegetables, stir together, heat through and serve with rice.

I used minute rice, but you should probably make the good stuff.  Incidentally, the recipe can be found in the free eCookBook, Angie Pangie Celebrates:  Chinese New Year.  (See how I did that? )

OOH, I made these, too:

All by myself, even.  I took them right out of the package, put them on the pan, and put them in the oven.

See you all next time!