Birthday Monoesters anyone? The Only Chocolate Cake (that Lilly eats)

Lilly (a.k.a. Aspie Girl) will be turning 10 next week.  Tomorrow is her last day of school before spring break begins (and I start hiding in the closet), which means that if she is taking treats to school she must take them – that’s right – tomorrow.

Now, even though I cook and bake a lot, it’s not beyond me to run to the local bakery and pick up a couple dozen whatevers to send with the kids to school for birthdays and holidays.  The fact is, I have 3 kids and with 25 kids in each girl’s class, it can get a bit crazy to bake for everyone.  But, if you know anything about autistic kids, you might know that they are wee-tiny-tad-kinda-little-bit rigid.  Like, don’t change anything.  Ever.  And, Lilly doesn’t like bakery bought cookies, or cupcakes, or well anything – actually.  She likes homemade chocolate cupcakes.  Period.  And don’t go getting all lazy about it either.  They damn well better be h-o-m-e-m-a-d-e.  That’s right, no box mixes allowed.  And she does know the difference (just ask me sometime for the birthday of 2006 recap – good gracious was that a nightmare).

So, I’m going to teach you how to make a cake.  A chocolate cake, actually.  From scratch.  I just found out a couple weeks ago that not everyone feels real comfortable with making a cake from scratch.  It had honestly never occurred to me that someone might be anxious about making a cake.  But, then they started talking about cake flour, and sifters, and tiptoeing through the kitchen so that that the middle wouldn’t fall and I was all like “Holy cake.  That’s crap!”  Look, guys.  That is really not the way it is.  Slap the shit together, it turns out.  Really.  Trust me.

 And if you’re saying (or thinking) “Look Angie, I don’t have an autistic kid.  Why in the world would I make it from scratch?  Box mixes taste fine, especially when I do that little trick Aunt Cindy taught me with the pudding?“  Let me tell you a few reasons.

1. It tastes better. 
2. It tastes better. 
3. It tastes better. 
4. Oh, and also, it tastes better.

Of course, you could get into the whole discussion about what the hell they put into box mixes.  Like, for instance, I’m looking right now at the ingredients and they say “propylene glycol monoesters of fatty acids.”  Mmmmm.  Yummy, those propylene glycol monoesters get me going every time.  Ya know?  Seriously, though, I’m not a health food nut, and I’ve eaten my fair share of monoesters and enjoyed them (just ignore my butt as I walk by), but there’s no good reason not to make a cake from scratch.  It’s not hard, it’s tasty, and it’s better for you.  So try it.  Ho Kay.

Plus, I damn near ruined my brand new-ish camera taking pictures of pouring boiling chocolate so that you could all see how easy it really is.  You owe it to my camera to try. 

The Only Chocolate Cake (that Lilly eats)
From Recipezaar

3/4 cup cocoa powder
3/4 cup boiling water
1 cup buttermilk
1 cup canola oil
4 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking soda

 

Mix cocoa and boiling water.  It might look lumpy, but get it as smooth as you can.  Using a whisk might help.  I didn’t do that.

Mix buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla together.  I was out of buttermilk, so I just mixed a tablespoon of lemon juice into regular milk.  That works fine, too.

Mix dry ingredients together.  This is where people start getting all upset.  But, what about cake flour??  Don’t I need to sift?  I use regular all purpose flour – it works 100% great for this recipe.  Also, sifting will help break down the big clumpy pieces of flour, but if you use a fork and make sure everything is broken up very well, you’ll be fine.  I use this old strainer to sift my dry ingredients together, but don’t feel like you have to do this! 

This picture shows how the flour, sugar, salt and, baking soda are well mixed and not clumpy.  Nothing too difficult here, see?

Mix dry ingredients into buttermilk/oil mixture.  Try not to pour it all over the counter like I did.

Mix in cocoa.  Again, try not to pour it on the counter, or your new-ish camera.  [Mental note to self:  Pouring hot liquids over a spinning mixer while taking pictures one handed - not a great idea.]

Pour into prepared cake pans (two 9-inch round pans, 9X13 pan, or cupcakes).  Now, I used liners here, only because I will be passing these out at school and it helps to have them in a handy paper container.  I really don’t like liners, because I don’t really want to peel paper off my food.  Plus, with cake release, you don’t need them.  And, if you’re wondering why I’m using disposable cupcake pans . . . let’s just say that the old cupcake pan would have made quite a hub-bub on the net when everyone saw how old and nasty it really is. 
Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Bake until tester comes out clean, approximately 30 minutes.  My cupcakes took exactly 24 minutes.  It will take longer with a larger pan, so watch closely.  When I make round cakes I pull them out of the oven at exactly 30 minutes.  You can use a knife, or a toothpick and stick is straight down into the center of the cake.  If it comes out without goo on it, it’s done.  Cool these in the pan for 15 minutes, then remove them to a rack to cool completely.

Use whatever icing or frosting you’d like.  I know, you’re thinking “Angie, you’re leaving me hanging here, I don’t know what type of icing or frosting I prefer.“  But, I gotta tell you, Lilly likes the canned stuff.  What can I say?  If you don’t want to use the canned stuff, I highly recommend Chocolate Buttercream or you could try Chocolate Fudge Frosting (looks awesome!).

Here are the directions again, without the pictures.

Mix cocoa and boiling water.
Mix buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla together.
Mix dry ingredients together.
Mix dry ingredients into buttermilk/oil mixture.
Mix in cocoa.
Pour into prepared cake pans (two 9-inch round pans, 9X13 pan, or cupcakes).
Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Bake until tester comes out clean, approximately 30 minutes (more for 9X13, less for cupcakes.)

In case you are still doubting me, I want you to look at the inside of this cupcake. 

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Tagged as: birthday cake, cake recipe, chocolate cake recipe, homemade cake, scratch baking